Still no family for the Spain thing, but I have taken the excellent advice offered and contacted the agency and they seem to think there is still a reasonable chance I'll get matched up as all of Europe comes back from their August vacations. So I gave them until the 23rd to say for sure. Only because I really, really want to meet and live with a Spanish family.

My backup plan, as of now, is to visit Ireland, England, and [one other place - either a particular B&B in Spain or one of the Club Meds that offer trapeze]. The order and exact dates of that plan are going to be arranged sort of on the fly. Which is not how I do things, but, well, it is what I have at the moment. I'm thinking 'adventure' and it is almost drowning out the 'scary.' I might even have company for part of that.

But right now the whole being away from work for a month thing is causing serious work stress. Because it really does come at the worst possible part of our development cycle. And my two "minions" will also have shorter vacations during September as well. Which they can't change. Not to mention that some changes were made to the scope of the project and, well, it means more stress and more work. Which I should be doing now but when I found myself in the kitchen eyeing the cookies and considering another ice cream sandwich even though I am not hungry, I knew I needed to let off stress somehow.

I haven't yet told TPTB here that if Spain thing falls through I'm still taking off. It is such, such a bad time for me to be gone that I almost feel they would be justified in asking me to postpone my trip. Even though I already postponed it once at their request. I allow myself to be pushed around enough (some of it is the nature of the job) that I'm torn between doing what would be best for the team and just taking the time for myself because I've earned it. And I need it. But I really cannot, right now, see how everything will get done if I am not here. I'm not exagerating here. Our whole team is 3 people. My 2 "minions" just started here and are super smart and capable, but have never been through this process we are about to enter. The 4 weeks I would be gone are pretty much the most critical time in the process for my team. So it is understandable that I feel incredibly selfish and bad-manager-y for cutting out.

Also, when I went through about 2 months of high stress making major job decisions earlier this year I gained at least 10 pounds. Which I haven't lost. I so very much do not want to add another 10. I am already way past acceptable (for me). And I so wish I could exercise the stress away. But when? After I get home, not having had dinner, at 9? Before I leave for work at 8?

Anyway, now I have vented I will get back to work before I make my dilemma worse by getting further behind.